I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
