good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
