Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Come on in and take your pants off
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