Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
