You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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