Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
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Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
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I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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