he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
only if we run a train.
done.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
