They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
