I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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