I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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