Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i wish my penis had a tongue
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
