I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
