70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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