New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
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