I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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