Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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