And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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