So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize