ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
