I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
