i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
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I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
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SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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