I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
