My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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