we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
