what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
