If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
