I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
tell me about the fingering
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