You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
