yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
