Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
