He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
