It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
