yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
