It was confusing and full of hummus
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
