belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
