His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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