this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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