Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
