Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
