I wanna passion pit in your ass
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
