he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
