Too much gin, very little bucket
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
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I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
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Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
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