Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
