I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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