I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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