This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
