this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
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You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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