What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
