I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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