I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
