I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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