Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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