Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Girls should come with a carfax report
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
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