I love black thongs
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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