Where are you?
In a non slutty way
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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