I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
