I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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