i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
