Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
