i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
