Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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