Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
