This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
