OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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