You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
