she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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