hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I think a kid would responsible me up
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
