I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
sick fucks of a feather flock together
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
