wakey wakey hands off snakey
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
