Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
