This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
