what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
All I want is dick and wine.
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