is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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