just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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