my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
