What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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