she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
