genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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