Acid is not a monday night drug
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Come on in and take your pants off
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