It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
