so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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