Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
