I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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