I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
