Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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