Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Slut skills are useful in every country.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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